Monday, August 27, 2007

Allen

It wasn’t easy, being me. No, I wasn’t green or disfigured, or even slow on the uptake. I was, however, somewhat unlucky. A fate which has been my dogged and steadfast companion to this day. It was this tendency that somehow prevented me from perpetrating the more calamitous blunders in my life, as I had grown so habituated to tragedy that I could almost see it coming.

I won’t torment you with the details of my inauspicious initiation to the bleak world that was my wretched providence. Suffice it to say that the foundation that was being laid would have been enough to make angels weep. Being as I saw this as nothing out of the ordinary, I took it all in stride, and accepted my lot as the norm.

My childhood was littered with unfortunate accidents, mishaps and too many broken bones to mention. I went through a cornucopia of medical dilemmas, which left my doctor in a state of puzzlement. I even contracted a disease which was thought impossible for a person of my race to acquire.

There was only one person, who incidentally was a member of my immediate family that seemed afflicted with this tendency towards misfortune. This person was my younger brother, Allen. It is his story that I’m about to relate. I cannot delve into his feelings about his grasp of the events that occurred in his life. If I thought myself unlucky, then there’s no word strong enough to describe his plight.

Allen started out his life with an energy that was boundless and full of an unquenchable thirst for more. He never crawled as a baby; he went from sitting up to running. And running, and running. He was constantly bumping into things and bruising his forehead, shins, elbows and knees. He was a walking bruise, but nevertheless seemed intent on keeping up his hectic pace.

Despite his predisposition towards injury, there seemed to be nothing that intimidated him or any goal that was deemed unachievable. He faced life with an attitude that was immeasurable in energy and with an ill concealed glee.

As an adult Allen would be tall, but as a child he was always the runt of his group of buddies. Being fair skinned he was prone to freckles, which labeled him “chocolate chips” or “chips” as the affectionate moniker eventually developed into. Though plagued by misfortune, he always had time for those who seemed in need of a helping hand.

Our parents were consistently confronted with any number of wandering waifs and strays that he amassed during the course of his forays. His petition for their nourishment was always met with gratification, for my parents were passionate in their conviction that no child should suffer hunger, albeit a temporary state of affairs. It seemed our pantry was forever bulging at the seams in the event that an itinerant sufferer of hunger should have the need to be fed. He was hero to the unfed masses.

Strangely, though possessing two left feet, his greatest passion turned out to be baseball. I think this obsession was partly my father’s doing, as the sport was initially his great love. It seemed natural enough that Allen would follow in his footsteps. Baseball was a recreational hobby for my father, but for Allen it would become his very life’s meaning. It was on the diamond that my brother’s goofy klutziness disappeared and was replaced by an agile athleticism that we could scarce believe. It seemed as though he were born with the ability to play ball. And his devotion to the game was legendary to all that knew him as a ballplayer.

His first time at bat is a story in and of itself, in its hilarity. I should mention that he started little league a couple years early, and his first year was spent on the bench and being a bat boy (to his absolute frustration). When the coach told him that he would be allowed to play in the next game, his excitement could barely be contained for all of the week before game day.

The game started out typically with many an error and interludes to tie laces and wipe runny noses. The opposing team was taking a beating, as their pitcher couldn’t seem to find his zone, and was replaced by another. This fellow seemed to all in attendance to be a little large for little league, but no one ventured a complaint. He was even worse than the previous kid, as he repeatedly beamed the batters.

We’d gotten to the fifth inning or so, when Allen was at last called up to bat. This young man, who had hardly slept a wink the week before the game. Who could only talk about finally being allowed to play. Who had promised that he would “send the ball to the moon” at his first at bat. This same young man suddenly was glued to the bench in the dug-out. My little brother suddenly developed a bad case of the “don’t wanna play no mores”. The tears flowed down his freckled countenance as he expounded on the reasons he shouldn’t be forced to play. He reminded the coach of his lack of stature. He questioned the coach’s sound judgment in calling him up to play in spite of his youth and lack of experience.

His apprehension was unmistakable; he was not getting up in front of that pitcher. It was only after my father’s intervention that he finally relented and proceeded with obvious reluctance to the batter’s box. Fortunately, he avoided being beamed and was able to gain first base from a base hit, and thus was launched his career as a baseball player. From that moment on, it became clear that Allen’s only purpose was the game. All other events in life were considered unwelcome superfluous distractions, and took a backseat to his obsession with baseball.

To be continued…

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A Clean Getaway



I’m sure that you’re familiar with the term “petty thief”, yes? Well please allow me to submit a brand new connotation: “Pity Thief”: A burglar who gives one cause to feel pity or sorry for, i.e.: The Pity Thief stole the clothes pins from the washroom.

There’s a reason for this condescension, as for the second time this week our home’s been hit by the crime wave that is slowly finding a foothold in our community. A brave and “Pity Thief” took it upon himself to boldly trespass and abscond with the laundry detergent and dishwashing liquid that I negligently left out on the porch last eve. This is the second daring robbery this week. Two days ago, the detergent, coffee creamer and black pepper were victims to this thief’s treachery. I dare say the fellow or fellows appear to be clean lads. I’ve dubbed this larcenous gang The Soapbox Bandits.

I feel that a neighborhood watch should be put into effect, what’s next? The Clorox, perhaps? I sit in dread anticipation of their next audacious endeavor. Maybe I should await their arrival and offer the use of my washing machine, so that I might be left with some detergent to do my wash the following day, then again, maybe not.

I cannot imagine this bandit’s reasoning. Should these events be taken as a shrewd ruse to make me assume this fellow to be a timid thief? Or are there some dark ulterior motives to these irrational pilferings?

Or could this be our reputable utilities & water provider’s way of making sure that less water is being used in light of our “water shortage”? (See Aug. 14 post). A conspiracy theory you say? Perhaps, but I guess only time will relieve me of these questions that have me tied up in knots.

I leave you with fair warning to lock up your cleaning supplies come nighttime, you never know, you could be the next victim of The Soapbox Bandits!

A Clean Getaway


I’m sure that you’re familiar with the term “petty thief”, yes? Well please allow me to submit a brand new connotation: “Pity Thief”: A burglar who gives one cause to feel pity or sorry for, i.e.: The Pity Thief stole the clothes pins from the washroom.

There’s a reason for this condescension, as for the second time this week our home’s been hit by the crime wave that is slowly finding a foothold in our community. A brave and “Pity Thief” took it upon himself to boldly trespass and abscond with the laundry detergent and dishwashing liquid that I negligently left out on the porch last eve. This is the second daring robbery this week. Two days ago, the detergent, coffee creamer and black pepper were victims to this thief’s treachery. I dare say the fellow or fellows appear to be clean lads. I’ve dubbed this larcenous gang The Soapbox Bandits.

I feel that a neighborhood watch should be put into effect, what’s next? The Clorox, perhaps? I sit in dread anticipation of their next audacious endeavor. Maybe I should await their arrival and offer the use of my washing machine, so that I might be left with some detergent to do my wash the following day, then again, maybe not.

I cannot imagine this bandit’s reasoning. Should these events be taken as a shrewd ruse to make me assume this fellow to be a timid thief? Or are there some dark ulterior motives to these irrational pilferings?

Or could this be our reputable utilities & water provider’s way of making sure that less water is being used in light of our “water shortage”? (See Aug. 14 post). A conspiracy theory you say? Perhaps, but I guess only time will relieve me of these questions that have me tied up in knots.

I leave you with fair warning to lock up your cleaning supplies come nighttime, you never know, you could be the next victim of The Soapbox Bandits!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

What Water?





It's pretty entertaining at times, the drivel that finds itself in our daily newspaper. Today I saw an announcement from our electricity and Water Company advising the general public that there is a water shortage on the island. No! Big surprise! I had no idea, what with our water going out daily between 3 and 5 pm and not returning until the following morning! And then, they preposterously ask that we use the water sparingly! If we had a water supply to begin with, this might not seem like such a laughable suggestion.

As to the shortage, it was my belief that we had a desalination plant. Correct me if I'm wrong, but does this not infer that the water we use comes from the ocean after being put through a process of "desalination "? I was so confused that I simply had to Google it, and to my gratification it was proved that I'm not as stupid as GEBE would like to make me out to be! Britannica Concise Encyclopedia terms it: “desalting Removal of dissolved salts from seawater and from the salty waters of inland seas, highly mineralized groundwaters, and municipal wastewaters. Desalination makes such otherwise unusable waters fit for human consumption, irrigation, industrial applications, and other purposes. Whew! I was a little concerned for about a minute.

I understand that this paradise we call home is presently overpopulated and therefore our infrastructure is a little strained. But this overpopulation did not occur overnight. It is thus that I ask: "Did we not see this coming?" I mean, people, give me a break! We are bursting at the seams with masses from too many countries to keep a track of. How many is it now? 500? I know I'm being silly, but we need to be aware and keep up with the demand of the public at large.

With the high prices that we are paying for our utilities, aren't we entitled to proper services? I find it extremely inconvenient to have no water after a hard days work in the heat and humidity of St. Maarten that I might take a cool shower before I go to bed. I don't know about the average person, but I'm simply too busy during the day to be wasting water. I do have a job, and a life!

So now I find myself returned to the days of my grandmother, hauling buckets of water and bathing out of a kerosene pan! My next venture is to dig a li’l hole out in the backyard, cuz the toilet sure can’t flush!


Monday, August 06, 2007

Sisters


Caribbean (St. Maarten) Slang Definition

Look for black sheep before dark: Make hay while the sun shines